Tuesday, August 2, 2011


hi. i am literally losing my freaking mind.
i need a straightjacket, a room at the nearest psychiatric facility for about 4 weeks and a possible lobotomy.
i'm breathing and breathing...but what i really want to do is break things and break things. clearly not the healthier option.
earplugs. ear drum removal. i'm pretty willing these days. i keep repeating 'i will not run away, i will not run away'.......

Monday, August 1, 2011

no one will take my kids

oh sweet little baby jesus.....i don't want to wish away summer...but....kids. what was i thinking? 3 kids in 4 years? oh yes they are sweet little cherubs when they are eating ice cream or sleeping, but o....m...g....the fighting. THIS is in insanity. i feel like a piece of gum on the bottom of someone's shoe and every time they take a step i get stretched a little further and i'm pretty close to snapping.
i had the great pleasure of having the afternoon 'off' yesterday. and i was grateful for every single nano second of it. just quiet. no one to talk to. no one to ask me to do anything. no one to reason/negotiate or separate.
i think i need a new fridge too...and i our computer is dying. i have this feeling it is about to pour around here so i'm getting out my mental rain boots and rain coat. but it's all good ya know. i'm not drinking, i don't want a drink. i'm a coping machine. hell, i just have to get through today. one day. i can do that. i may not have my wits about me by the time the day is over, but i will be sober.
total ramble here...but there are a lot of people that don't drink. i never realized that. celebrities too. weird huh? i guess when you hang out with people that drink sorta like you, you never noticed. not saying those i hung out with have a drinking problem; i couldn't say nor is it my place to make that judgment.  but, when your 'normal' is changed it's pretty cool to see that your new 'normal' is everywhere too. i like that. i like that i don't have to drink to have a good time. i like that i don't have to drink to get through my life. as much as some days i think a drink would help, there is NOTHING in this world a drink will make better. NOTHING. so it's off the table.
i should be finishing my laundry...and i will. then pack up the kids and go to the beach then come back and go to a meeting. so yeah, things are status quot, nothing crazy, no drama; a slightly bumpy road with three kids. but life is good.