hi. i am literally losing my freaking mind.
i need a straightjacket, a room at the nearest psychiatric facility for about 4 weeks and a possible lobotomy.
i'm breathing and breathing...but what i really want to do is break things and break things. clearly not the healthier option.
earplugs. ear drum removal. i'm pretty willing these days. i keep repeating 'i will not run away, i will not run away'.......
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
no one will take my kids
oh sweet little baby jesus.....i don't want to wish away summer...but....kids. what was i thinking? 3 kids in 4 years? oh yes they are sweet little cherubs when they are eating ice cream or sleeping, but o....m...g....the fighting. THIS is in insanity. i feel like a piece of gum on the bottom of someone's shoe and every time they take a step i get stretched a little further and i'm pretty close to snapping.
i had the great pleasure of having the afternoon 'off' yesterday. and i was grateful for every single nano second of it. just quiet. no one to talk to. no one to ask me to do anything. no one to reason/negotiate or separate.
i think i need a new fridge too...and i our computer is dying. i have this feeling it is about to pour around here so i'm getting out my mental rain boots and rain coat. but it's all good ya know. i'm not drinking, i don't want a drink. i'm a coping machine. hell, i just have to get through today. one day. i can do that. i may not have my wits about me by the time the day is over, but i will be sober.
total ramble here...but there are a lot of people that don't drink. i never realized that. celebrities too. weird huh? i guess when you hang out with people that drink sorta like you, you never noticed. not saying those i hung out with have a drinking problem; i couldn't say nor is it my place to make that judgment. but, when your 'normal' is changed it's pretty cool to see that your new 'normal' is everywhere too. i like that. i like that i don't have to drink to have a good time. i like that i don't have to drink to get through my life. as much as some days i think a drink would help, there is NOTHING in this world a drink will make better. NOTHING. so it's off the table.
i should be finishing my laundry...and i will. then pack up the kids and go to the beach then come back and go to a meeting. so yeah, things are status quot, nothing crazy, no drama; a slightly bumpy road with three kids. but life is good.
i had the great pleasure of having the afternoon 'off' yesterday. and i was grateful for every single nano second of it. just quiet. no one to talk to. no one to ask me to do anything. no one to reason/negotiate or separate.
i think i need a new fridge too...and i our computer is dying. i have this feeling it is about to pour around here so i'm getting out my mental rain boots and rain coat. but it's all good ya know. i'm not drinking, i don't want a drink. i'm a coping machine. hell, i just have to get through today. one day. i can do that. i may not have my wits about me by the time the day is over, but i will be sober.
total ramble here...but there are a lot of people that don't drink. i never realized that. celebrities too. weird huh? i guess when you hang out with people that drink sorta like you, you never noticed. not saying those i hung out with have a drinking problem; i couldn't say nor is it my place to make that judgment. but, when your 'normal' is changed it's pretty cool to see that your new 'normal' is everywhere too. i like that. i like that i don't have to drink to have a good time. i like that i don't have to drink to get through my life. as much as some days i think a drink would help, there is NOTHING in this world a drink will make better. NOTHING. so it's off the table.
i should be finishing my laundry...and i will. then pack up the kids and go to the beach then come back and go to a meeting. so yeah, things are status quot, nothing crazy, no drama; a slightly bumpy road with three kids. but life is good.
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