wow.

i have no idear (North East thing) where to begin. from the time i picked up until now hasn't been all that long in the sands of time, but in this cracked up head of mine it feels like six months.

i have been in a shit storm without any rain gear. no lie.  no exaggeration. no pity party and no victamese. 
apparently, if your life wasn't torn apart while drinking, it can when  you get sober. i'm in a total  mind fuck.  i'm learning so much about myself and what my foundation is and how well it was constructed.  i'm still standing and i have not wanted a drink, that is a testament to my 12 step program. 

thank the universe for the 15 months i have in (not continuous), because i have 'heard' in those months. i just need to get out of the way.  doing the very best i can and setting boundaries and have given up trying to defend my right to be sober and stay sober. and no offense to those who think i am not balancing well.  the words are said out of love, but you aren't in recovery.  i can not expect you to know what you are saying is like asking a one month old to walk.  tolerance, willingness (hopefully grace), and the faith to know I WILL GET THROUGH, is making these weary legs move one foot in front of the other. 

it isn't even 24 hrs right now. it is minute by minute. and i'm okay with that.