oh spring, how i used to love thee. now you can suck it. all this rain. great, good for the environment, plants, blah blah blah. horrible for the spirit. i'd live in Seattle or somewhere in Oregon if i wanted constant rain. i'm hopeful this means a beautiful green, sunny summer. like the picture perfect new england summer. mid-eighties low humidity. aaaaah.
waiting for the sun to come out to get some more planting and redistribute some bulbs i needed to separate. starting a small garden with broccoli, variety of peppers and tomatoes. i have lettuce and herbs in containers already. if this garden goes well this year, then i will expand for next year. i am really looking forward to a raised bed garden and letting the kids help.
i feel like this will be an interesting summer. my first one sober in a while. again, since poppin out kids and what not. i will be sitting on the deck with ice tea not a cocktail. i will go and do my run/jogs and not come home and slam a glass of wine, cause you know, that is real hydrating. i always wondered why gatorade never made a cabernet.
feels pretty good to want to take care of myself. try new things. i'd like to do a big paintball event for my 37th this year. it isn't until later, but i am already planning. i'd like to also really love to take the kids camping for a weekend or maybe a music festival. who knows. definitely some beach time. and if at all possible go to NH. i am yearning to get there. to go to the spot where i spread my moms ashes. to be in the white mountains, breathe in the clean crisp air. it is amazing to me how different i feel when i am in NH. it really is my place of zen. i'd also like someone to take me on a motorcycle ride. i have always been afraid but i want to know what it feels like. i want to feel that adrenaline and know that i will be just fine. i want to go fishing. not on a boat mind you, baby steps. but a lake would be killer. boats and cruise ships are still floating coffins to me, but we'll get there. maybe. i don't have to over come every little fear. flying was a big one and if that is the only one i get over, then i consider that a success. i mean, you aren't going to catch me on those 4 seat planes, unless you club me over the head and handcuff me to a seat. that is just a flying coffin. never say never though.
anyway, guess this isn't a post about much. only what i am looking forward too. but i am enjoying the days as they come. some have been pretty...well..let's just say they have been 'growing' days. each day i'm sober, new things happen. new memories come back, some swell, some i'd like to crawl under a rock and rot, but i don't. life goes on. life happens. and i'm grateful to just be here and experience it all. the little things. i believe i shall post a grateful list later, i haven't done so in a while. that is always a wonderful thing to see on 'paper'.
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