another 90

hit my 90 day mark again on thursday. i chaired my first meeting. i was scared to death. i knew the people in the room and i had shared many times, but to get in front of my peers and tell my story (experience, strength and hope) was really quite terrifying. but i faced that fear and did it anyway.
i do not remember everything i said and from what i understand, that is a good thing. means you spoke from the heart. i had prayed to my hp to just use me as a vessel to send a message.  not sure how well i did. but no matter, it was empowering and a moment i will never forget. i'll never have another 'first' on chairing. 
as of late, life has been going along. some dips, but i think i just have to take a step back and really make sure my actions and intent is on the up and up. make sure that if i do get angry over a certain situation, it is actually angry worthy, cause sometimes, they just aren't. i'm learning it is okay to express your anger and hurt but you can do it in a healthy fashion and not be hurtful (at least not intentionally). 
this time around, i'm not in a hurry. i wasn't scared to get to 90 days. i haven't felt the need to be 'doing more' in my recovery. being in the moment and knowing that recovery is not a race.  i'm going to make mistakes and not do things right all the time. but i am enjoying learning to be comfortable without chaos or drama. i mean, there is definite drama going on, but low and behold, i didn't cause it this time.
we went to an event last night as a family and had a great time. i was out there dancing. i have always, always loved to go dancing but before, i had to have at least 3 to 4 drinks in me before i would get out there and shake what my mama gave me. but now, since i've been sober, there have been two other occasions besides last night that i got out and danced sober. last night though, i had absolutely no inhibitions doing so and i was the first one on the dance floor! it was so freeing. i didn't care because who else would care? it had always been me that cared or worried so i needed that social lubricant.  my daughter and one of my sons came out and danced with me and we had such a blast. i was able to be joyous and free and be childlike with my own children. what a gift. those are the moments that make any struggle i go though worth every single second. it was also a great way for my husband to see that i can go out, be around other drinkers and still have a good time. it did drive the point home that if there is another activity going on besides drinking, i can do it, but i can't just sit around while everyone else is getting hammered. i'm not there today and who knows if i ever will be or if i would want to be. i'm living. i want to do things. last night was special and i am so grateful to have been given that gift. so i'm gonna keep on coming, because from what i am hearing, seeing and feeling, it does get better. little by slow. and i don't mind right now.