Tuesday, June 7, 2011

paging dr. get me outta here

after a nice little ambulance ride to the hospital because of chest pains....it is clear that i have to take care of emotional well being a bit better.  although the nitroglycerin did rid the chest pain and radiating arm pain, the ekgs and xrays showed nothing unusual. nor did the liver and gallbladder enzyme test.
after speaking with the doctor privately, i disclosed i am under a lot of emotional stress and fairly new in sobriety. she said that although they do think something with the heart acted up, it was more than likely stress induced.
i have had plenty of panic attacks and this was not a panic attack.
i think it was good for a person in my family to hear that, yet, i felt horribly guilty. like, once again, my recovery affects them. they had to miss an important appointment and this and that. it just makes me feel badly. not their problem, it is mine. i just need to figure out how to rid myself of those thoughts. i can only take care of my side of the street. i did see some extremely disturbing things in the er triage that was directly related to alcohol and/or drugs. i cried. those people easily could have been me. easily. my heart ached for them.
so i learned two valuable lessons yesterday. i need to really work on my emotional health and that the disease is alive and well and no one is immune from being put in restraints, having a blood alcohol level of 4.07 (yes, that is correct) or being completely out cold barely breathing with no shoes or a shower. i am no better, i am no worse. keeps it fresh.
i hope for some inner peace. one moment at a time.

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