fuck. i have such a craving right now to get lit up like a christmas tree. out of no where this urge has hit me. so much so i wanna just go balls to the walls. i haven't a clue why. i have been so grateful and feeling like i am on the right path, meetings, helping others, praying, talking to my sponsor and others. holy shitballs do i want to get drunk. i won't because i tried that and it was liquid misery. horrendous. must remember my last drunk. i'm in a great mood. i just have this overwhelming urge to get crazy and my first thought was booze. i can get crazy other ways (that are appropriate) but the brain is saying GET DRUNK. fuck. it is saying you can drink, you are not an alcoholic. i hear it. my heart is saying shut the fuck up.
okay, had to get that out. make some more phone calls...pick up kids...soccer...etc. five minutes at a time here...no drinking. i can stay away from a drink. it will not do me any good. nope nope....
It is crazy what our mind can do to us in this disease. I had a strong craving for a giant glass of red wine the other night, but just kind of shouted it out and moved on. We kind of have to let those feelings pass through and then keep on keeping on!
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