discounted

in a bit of a funk.  nothing major, most people would call it dealing with life.  but, regardless, it is making me funky and not in the james brown way. 

a certain situation has made me sad.  it feels as though i am not being heard or even acknowledged.  realizing things are not always what they seem is completely normal and common, however, with this, it is extra sad.  

as kenny rogers would say 'ya gotta know when to hold em', and no when to fold em'' and i need to fold em'.  making this decision did not come easy at all. in fact it has been a struggle and strain. it also did not happen overnight; it really has just been building.  

i have been seeking  'counsel' if you will, from trusted friends, family and others on how i have handled the situation and what i can do, and/or continue to do.  there are always two sides to a story, but only one side is being heard because the other is pretending it isn't there...or at least that is how i am perceiving it.

the best i can do is to treat the situation as i would want to be treated and keep my side of the street clean. on one hand that does come very naturally for me, on the other because of the disconnect and the time that passes without any acknowledgment or communication it becomes more and more difficult. 

for a long time i thought it was just me..me being sensitive, me overreacting, me reading too much into things. but those who are objective and are not involved have made it clear that especially at this point, i am not doing any of what i mentioned above. this is not to lay blame by any means. we all handle things differently and in our own way. 

unfortunately, there will be lots lost.  it does make me sad. it does make me feel there is a missing sense of maturity in handling all of this and because of that, there will be even more of a greater loss.  i do not wish anyone harm, nor will i burn bridges or trash talk.  that has never been in my nature and it certainly isn't now.  my nature though, is to be direct, lay the cards on the table and come up with a solution or dissolution that is mature and as pain free as possible.  i do not react well to being ignored, given the cold shoulder or made to feel as though i am being punished for speaking my mind.  i have given the proverbial ball away and as of right now, it appears it has been taken home in a huff and puff storm. 

i can not control this situation, nor the actions of others.  i have reached out twice now; there is not much left i can do on my side of the street.  if this matter isn't addressed soon, then i will have no choice but to walk away sooner than expected.  ignoring a situation does not make it go away...even just a small act of communication would let me know that there is some thinking going on and this matter has not been glossed over. 

there is still hope that a few things can be salvaged. but if not, it will be what it will be.  i will not overreact or back up into a corner and turn into a ball of mush.  i will however move on and forward and let it be a lesson learned.