no creative title for this one

returned from my morning meeting and i'm very anxious today. no reason to be, but my level is high. i was lucky enough to see my sponsor and have some face time, which is always good. they are good for my soul and very kind and understanding.
this was my first meeting since sunday, which for me is a long time to go without a meeting. so, i think part of my anxiety is from not being around other drunks and keeping it fresh.  i love meetings; they are my vitamin b12 shot. perhaps today i am getting readjusted.  i also have 90 days coming up and with that also comes some anxiety.  every day i stay sober is awesome, but for some reason the 90 seems so big and overwhelming. it isn't like it's a year, but they say at 90 days not drinking really is a habit so it kinda means in my mind that if the thought to pick up will be more mental than physical. which is scary. we all know i'm crackers.
what is so crazy to try and remember is alcoholism is a two pronged disease. it is an actual body allergy (that is why i can't stop with one or even two) and that it is a mental illness as well (the obsession and compulsion). however, it is meetings and the fellowship that keep the obsession and compulsion at bay. it is a reminder of where i came from.
also, memories of things i've done or said from my past are starting to come back to me. and not all of them from when i was drinking. it makes one a bit edgy to have real feelings again. i know i've said it before, but it truly is a raw exposed sensation and i can not say i enjoy that...almost like free falling.  but patience and my higher power will eventually take that sensation away and my insides will unravel themselves.
today gives me the memories and sense of what it was like to go to school for the very first time. so strange. just a moment in time, i acknowledge it and will just sit down and take the ride. 
i don't need a drink, i don't want a drink, so that is a good thing....expectations low...and one day, one hour and maybe 5 minutes at a time.  i am grateful to be sober and relearning how to live, and really live without alcohol as my crutch. 
i will listen to mr. marley....cause every little thing is gonna be alright.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaGUr6wzyT8