sabotage

cue the beastie boys...sabotage...
yup, that's what i almost did this week...self sabotage...why you ask? because i was so uncomfortable feeling good from what others had said and also because i didn't go to meetings for a few days. 
my priority is to stay sober...in order to do that, i have to go to meetings. even just missing a few, fucks my head right up. 
i went to a meeting last night with a friend.  great meeting with funny speakers. it's always nice when you can laugh at yourself, yet still bring a message of hope.  i went to a great meeting this morning...although, i got the 'finger pointing at the watch because you are sharing too long' gesture...i didn't care though, i needed to say what i needed to say. i do think i got a little red in the face, but whatever. AA is a funny thing...some folks have these strict rules and others don't. the only 'real' rules are the 12 traditions...everything else is made up by someone at a podium...i say that because i'm learning that even in AA you have to stay with the winners, go with your gut on doing the right thing. as my sponsor has said, just because someone is sober doesn't mean they are healthy....so true...so true....
anyway, feeling hella good today...pretty peaceful...silly mood...kinda want a nap though...
grateful to wake up sober even if it was 7 degrees outside..not going to drink today...props to my higher power and the wonderful people in my life that keep it real, kick me in the ass when i need it and give hugs too!!