i need to rat myself out a little. the past week or so has been a little weird. not a clue why. and tonight i was thinking of dropping my meetings in my town and go to another town's meetings. didn't feel like i was making the right connections, sharing too much and worrying. my anxiety level is up 10fold since getting real. when willingness came to me, it was truly amazing, and that is what made me realize, i'm just running because i don't feel comfortable. i'm not really giving it my all and making efforts to truly connect. why? because what if you don't like who i am? i don't want to feel out of place in the one place i CAN be who i am. that is some scary shit to me. totally raw. super uncomfortable. not cool sometimes. HOWEVER, i realized it rather quickly. spent a little less time obsessing over it and i was willing to admit that i was ready to go back to a behavior that is not healthy.
little by slow.
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