amends

amends....wow. 
it was brought to my attention a few days ago that i had hurt someone a while back and i had no idea i had done so.  my words and actions had upset this person a lot.  this person is the first, other than my husband who has called me out on my bullshit. 
my immediate reaction was such shame and sorrow. i never ever intended on hurting this person nor did i think i had or that i could even hurt this person; but i did. 
my heart was so heavy, but i reached out and apologized for what i had done. they responded with some specifics, which was really what i needed to hear.  i can't change if i don't know. it was a great reminder of why i don't drink and why i can't drink...i don't like who i am when i do drink. i can easily without hesitation hurt someone unknowingly.  i am happy to say this person accepted my apology; that may not always be the case.  but i told them, even now if i do something that is hurtful to please tell me because that is part of my recovery process. it felt good to be sincere and genuine in my efforts to make amends to them because i had no right to make them feel that way and i was incredibly sorry.
there will be more amends made down the line, this i know, as the door has been cracked.  i haven't started my steps yet, so, yeah, there will be a lot of amends.  and i'm okay with that because it's the right thing to do and it's part of the healing process.  every day i don't drink is a small amends to myself, to my kids and to my husband. 
good thing i have a big appetite because i'll be eating a lot of crow in the future. that my friends is called growth.