hey don't circumvent your issue with someone. just tell them. it's so childish and drives me to eat chocolate. you go to a meeting to share. get your shit out. supposedly without judgment. but hey, we're human. but when you speak your mind about 'you' and someone later circumvents comments about what you said and doesn't think it was appropriate for the meeting i wanna go and tell them to screw. i'm not there for them. i'm there to keep my ass and the rest of ME sober. if what i say is uncomfortable, unfortunately, it really isn't my problem. just like the other night i was uncomfortable with the way i felt at a meeting and left. just with any other organized group of people, you are bound to find some that are know it alls and think this and that should be kept to a different place and time. to me that's bullshit. do you know how much i've learned and learned about myself because someone was brave enough to speak about what was going on with them, or about their past, whether it was pleasant or not? fuck that man. i've got a serious attitude today with that. i am who i am. i'm not fake, never have been, even drinking i wasn't fake. i'll tell you how it goes, hopefully with some humor. but i'm not going to tell you my life is perfect, my kids are always awesome, they are dressed like little angels and behave, that my marriage is perfect and that i've got god damn blue birds zippidy doo daaain' all over the place all the time. life is if life. and i don't trust a person who puts on an act that they can do it all, that they don't have any issues or life is always just a bowl full of mother fucking cherries. kiss my grits with that shit. facades will bring you down faster than a whores underpants in a gang bang. sorry, that was really tasteless, but that's me. as i type this, i'm yelling at the kids cause they can suck it right now. they fight non stop these days (winter will do that), i have showered and put on real clothes and done some errands. we aren't eating some elaborate meal and the kids may not have a vegetable tonight. so sue me. but i'll tell you what, if that makes me a bad person then i'm bad. i think it makes me true to who i am. so if i throw out some serious matzoh balls at a meeting and it makes someone go, oh, wow....then deal with it. i don't give a fuck. my sobriety comes first. my gloves are on and i will fight to stay sober and if you get in my way i will take you down. it's a horrible attitude to have today and i'm sure tomorrow i will be writing about how i should be more kind etc. but right now, these are my true feelings. so fuck you if you don't like my shit. fuck you if you don't want to hear what i go through, what i've been through. fuck you for not having some common sense and keeping your reprimands to yourself. i'm not your child. and believe you me, i'll have something to say at a later date about how this post was really nasty etc. but i'm okay with that.
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