50 is nifty

so it seems i am not in a much better frame of mind today. maybe a instead of a -0, i am at a 0 today.

50 days sober today. the saying 'the days are long, but the years go by fast', is a phrase we moms say about our kids growing up; i think it may also apply to this stupid disease.  i am no where near a year (you do the math; i'm too pretty) but little by slow, my hope is to get there. i'm sitting in my seat, buckled down and on the ride of my life (can't take credit for that analogy).  feelings sprout up like effin' dandelions in the spring, and unless you pull them out by the root, they just come back. i'm learning to get out my dandelion tool and dig down to the roots. and it can suck the ever living guts right out of you, but there is a japanese saying (i think) 'fall down seven times, get up eight'.  so here i be.

i've decided to do a list of 50 things i am grateful and/or have gratitude for.  part of my funk lately is i have set my expectations too high on where i should be in recovery, and in reality, my higher power has me right where i am supposed to be. i am going to honor that by making this list and keeping it very, very simple..

(the numbers don't mean importance)
1. i did not take a drink today
2. giradelli brownies are readily available
3. music
4.heat in my home
5.unconditional support and love from my real true blue friends
6. uggs
7. flannel and fleece pjs
8. boy shorts
9. insurance covered breast reductions
10. electric (although they are battery operated) toothbrushes
11. candles
12. insence
13.harry potter books
14. hot herbal tea
16. shoelaces
17. flannel sheets
18. phones and texting
19. steel magnolias
20. my mother and father in-law
21. my sponsor
22. my husband
23. my rotten ungrateful children ;)
24. dutch ovens (and no, not the ones my husband gives me)
25. teeth
26. eyesight
27. colors
28. miracles (big and small)
29. learning to let go
30. finding  faith and starting to trust it
31. my mama
32. washing machines and dryers
33. cast iron skillets
34. food network
35. wes welker
36. AA
37. intuitiveness (when it works)
38. computers
39. grass
40. seasons
41. mountains and the ocean
42. opinions
43. corky romano
44. laughter through tears
45. laughter
46. humility
47. my family on my mom's side
48. my spiritual connection to one of my aunts
49. redbull
50. photographs

and there you have it. 50 simple things i am grateful for or have gratitude towards. perhaps i should add one more; this list.  i feel so much better.