this is normal?

this floundering fish out of water thing is supposed to be a normal feeling after some sobriety. find a new hobby they say...fill your time with something different they say...make phone calls...get more involved...this and that. well here's the thing, i don't trust too many people and i really don't trust women. i have met many nice, friendly women but i truly don't get that feeling that i can be 'me' with them. my 'me' isn't i suppose a typical woman. maybe not.. but i have always had better friendships with men, gotten along better because there isn't that cattiness or gossipyness.  and not to mention i don't want to be rejected (who does?). so my sponsor who i really like, unfortunately is only in RI part of the week. we talk by phone every day and she keeps suggesting i ask someone to coffee. do you know how fucking ridiculous that makes me feel? now if i were to ask them to go get a drink, that would feel normal. i am so out of my comfort zone my anxiety level is getting pretty high again and it's making me paranoid and not wanting to go to meetings much less share. my sponsor keeps suggesting i talk about this in a meeting. 'uh, hi my name is....and i'm an alcoholic...i'm feeling pretty lonely and disconnected cause i'm afraid to reach out and ask someone to go out for coffee'....uh, loosah??  you know, with men, not all men, but they bust balls, they curse, they talk frank.  yes, i have found some women that do that too in the program, but they work full time and have families too. my sponsor says all this is normal. that this means really that the program is working because i don't have all this chaos around, i am uncomfortable because this is all new. hell, no one even knows my story including my sponsor. and not that everyone needs to know, but i do feel like it's a road block in my recovery. and who am i gonna trust telling it too? let it go, keep it simple...but with my brain i'm looking for what i'm doing wrong or not doing. it is just frustrating. i don't want to screw this up but i can't get out of my own way. i haven't been able to completely give my will over to my higher power. i need to pray more...i need to pray for willingness to let this program work..i need to be present. so yeah, i know all this but can't get it to come to fruition. i can't fucking let go and let it be. cripes.